Smothered with Kindness

Today, I was thinking to myself, what kind of post should I do this week? I have a few posts that are waiting in the wings. However, they need to be fleshed out a bit more. So what should I talk about??

I got on my blog and noticed I had some ‘spam’ comments pending. I opened it and the first one was spam – Delete.The third was a lovely comment to my Farmer’s Market post – Approved.

The second comment …. I was speechless and shocked! Brief, direct, to the point. Being direct doesn’t bother me but the inappropriate language acronym and then the short statement afterwards.. its startled me. My finger hovered over the delete key while I pondered what I should do – respond or delete?

Upon starting this blog, I was talking to my friend as to what I should do if I receive less than supportive comments. After a lengthy discussion I decided that I would post all comments and respond to them appropriately. I didn’t want a sanitized blog with sugar coated conversations. I want to encourage and support contrary opinions and views. That being said I moved my finger away from the delete key and posted it. And of course my next move was to respond.

Another friend pointed out that addressing and attending to all the Haters is just going to be a never ending battle that will drain my energy and time.  This I agree with as well.  So I thought to myself why is this rubbing me the wrong way and what can I do to change it?

1) Addressing Negative, Un- Supportive, Haters

Ever since our means of communication moved to forums, blogs, chats, tweets, facebook its seems that its now acceptable to post and write comments that are hateful, unacceptable and undeniably inappropriate.  Let’s look at it this way.  My blog is my house and I’m opening my door and inviting you (the world) into my home. Would you honestly go over to someone’s house and say to their face the comments you have written?

No you wouldn’t.  So why would you do it on the net?

2) Anonymity and Lack of Accountability

I’m a strong believer of personal accountability.  I hold my self,  friends, family, co-workers and strangers to it. We are all accountable for every decision we make – you can believe it or not – but I will still hold you to it. The net has essentially removed this basic rule of personal accountability.

How can we bring back Accountability?

3) Smothered with Kindness Method

Now, I can’t take credit for this idea because it was  a friend that created it. I asked if I could use it and my friend said, ‘ What! Why are you even asking me! Take it! Use it! Share it!’

Credit to ‘Mr. Switzerland’ for sharing this with me and changing my world 😉

Here are the principles behind it.

When you are being ‘attacked’ by negative comments. You respond by pulling out all the Please, Thank Yous and  Positive Words. Sounds crazy! I know! The first thing you’ll notice is the really confused look on the person’s face, generally followed by a lose of words and then a positive response from the person.

Warning! This only works if you are genuinely being kind.  If you sound condescending or are thinking in your mind what a  &*!%.  It won’t work people pick up on these cues (even in written comments) but if you take a breath and come from a place of true kindness in response to their negative – Wow! What an amazing turn around!

Turn A Negative into a Positive

I vaguely remember that in school math, now you can apply it to your everyday!

4) House of FrenchFortuneCookie

I came to the Planet under the assumption that I would be met with a positive, welcoming, and supportive community.  Unfortunately, I have heard some stories that this isn’t always the case.  My goal is to grow my blog to be a supportive community (especially for women) and I have nip these little issues in the bud.

This blog is my house  – The House of FrenchFortuneCookie – if you come to my house you will be accountable and will be play by my rules. I’ve added a page indicating what is and isn’t acceptable here.

I hope that others will take action and not just ignore, dismiss or hope these Haters will ‘magically’ disappear. Post their Comment – Show them they are Accountable  and most of all Smother them with Kindness!


9 thoughts on “Smothered with Kindness

  1. I’ve personally found that I don’t have the mental / emotional “spoons” to deal with abusive comments. I just try to arrange things so that I will be exposed to as few as possible.

  2. I’m not going to post nasty comment on your blog. I’m just here to prove that anonymity doesn’t equate to lack of responsibility. Just because there are angst-ridden lonely male teenagers (the cliché of the typical irresponsible Net user) doesn’t mean every anonymous person is a Troll. (Well, of course, anonymity is always relative. You probably have my IP address. But there are ways around that, as well.)

  3. “I vaguely remember that in school math, now you can apply it to your everyday!”

    Unfortunately in maths, the way to turn a negative into a positive is to multiply it with another negative (which clearly isn’t the point your trying to make :D)

    • Honestly, I was terrible at math in school – so if that’s how I remembered it – it would explain a few things 😉

      Thanks for the comment though!

  4. Great review! You actually touched some nice news on your blog. I came across it by using Bing and I’ve got to admit that I already subscribed to the site, it’s very great 🙂

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